A word that can instantly shift how we see ourselves

A few months ago, I helped my 3-year old put together a set of cardboard airplanes to give to his friends for Valentine’s Day. He was elated to see them come to life and even more excited to send their colorful wings zooming around our house. The minute we finished building the first one, he grabbed it and excitedly tossed it into the air. 

Plunk. Nose dive onto our family room rug. 

Naturally, he was devastated. Maybe it was a flaw in our construction, I reasoned. We examined the plane to see if we were missing any parts (we were not) or if we had put anything in the wrong place (we had not). 

He tried again - crash. “I CAN’T DO IT!”, he screamed with a stomp. 

My husband and I took turns teaching him how to hold the plane, pull it back, and confidently launch it as he threw his little hand forward into the air. But again, the little cardboard plane found its way to the ground without having really flown at all. 

“It’s not working!’ He cried as he threw the plane back on the ground. 

I empathized with his disappointment but also found myself frustrated that he was giving up so quickly. It was his first time launching one of these airplanes and after a few failed attempts, he was going to throw in the towel? Sometimes it takes a while to learn something new! Hadn’t we taught him about perseverance? 

My judgments still freshly formed, I suddenly realized: I can be just like that. And I think a lot of us can. 

How often is it that we get impatient with ourselves when doing something new? We give it a try and if we don’t get it right the first few times, we throw our hands in the air, convinced that we’re just not cut out for whatever it is we’re trying. 

I’m a bad communicator. 

I’ll never be as good as her. 

I can't do that.

I'm not good at math.

I’ll never find my path.  

Do you hear the real danger here? We think or say these things and suddenly begin to believe messages about ourselves and our abilities that simply aren’t true.  

As I calmed my son down and invited him to try flying his airplane again, I reminded him of a word I cling to when something feels hard: yet. 

You haven’t done this yet. 

You’re not there yet. 

It hasn’t worked yet.

If you’re a beginner in an area of your life right now, I see you. At times, being new is hard. It can feel awkward, uncomfortable, and discouraging. But remember, just because you’re not hitting a goal or showing up in the way you want to today doesn’t mean that that will always be the case. 

You’re just not there yet. 

Keep going. Keep trying. Keep doing the hard thing. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep being willing to put in the work and even ‘fail’ for something that matters to you.

One day, with enough practice and perseverance, you’ll get to a new place. You’ll look back and realize that you did it. 

Where are you tempted to throw in the towel right now on something important to you? How might that area of your life shift if you brought in a little ‘yet’?